31st October 2017: Complicated Feelings / Private Things / Recognising Compromise

Hello cold night, I am thankful for this house. I am grateful for this home.

for realising that complicated feelings have stunted my creative work today, and for the education and support I have that makes this a much more manageable problem than in previous years. I used to battle at the disappointment, learning to let it wash over is so liberating.

for the things in my days that I am deeply thankful for that are private, or not for this place. I am thankful for these things and, as someone prone to oversharing, thankful for recognising the positive reasons for sharing information selectively and appropriate to certain people.

for this space out, and to recognise how much I used to compromise for others, a behaviour that flourished from low self-esteem. Next year, in particular, will be a big test of improving myself from this knowledge.

30th October 2017: Trout Mask Replica / The Rochester / Stella Creasy

Today, I am thankful / grateful

for Trout Mask Replica. It continues to fascinate and bring a very peculiar smile to my face.

for The Rochester in Stoke Newington - Viva!

for @stellacreasy on #Newsnight focusing the conversation on meaningful structural change.

29th October 2017: Kalief Browder / FreedomCity2017 / Blue Planet 2

ALL Thankfulness! that is ALL Gratefulness! that is ALL!

for the life, resilience and bravery of Kalief Browder.

for Newcastle University and all involved in the FreedomCity2017 celebrations. Even though I was far away, it is so wonderful to see media evidence of these positive acts being stomped and trod deep into the paths and streets of Newcastle, more elaboration of the area's story.  

for Blue Planet 2, David Attenborough and all of the team working on this incredible project. It opens up worlds, making it both clear and unthinkable all at once. What a gift!

28th October 2017: Sparrowhawk / Friendship / bell hooks

All of the beautiful clouds speeding by the bright moon this evening at the end of the day -  Thankfulness! Thank you! Gratefulness!

for Sparrowhawk visiting the garden, and for the wits of the other birds keeping hidden from him

for a talented friend helping me, adding their voice to some of the new music I am working with.

for bell hooks

27th October 2017: Charlie Bramley / AJ McKenna / Ash In Vietnam / Go The Fuck To Sleep

All of the beautiful life in the world! Thankfulness! Gratefulness!

for the talents of Charlie Bramley & AJ McKenna. I look forward to embarking on these creations.





for hearing from a close friend in Vietnam

for this bed-time story, @WernerTwertzog alerted me to.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sHk75RqEmE

26th October 2017: Friendly Vibration / Tunnels / Removing the i

All of the beautiful living things! Thankfulness! Gratefulness!

for a call with my friend, we share a place on the vibration

for those who use, and celebrate within, tunnels

for removing the i, all swish together, the white sheet

25th October 2017: Pip / Curb Your Enthusiasm / Fats Domino / Exodus

Today, thankfulness / gratefulness

for the love of my friend, who lifted me up out of a heaviness today

for enjoying laughing at a TV show together

for Fats Domino

for the album Exodus, on this sunny day.

24th October 2017: Microphone / Small Progress / Ben Wheatley & Amy Jump Films

Today, thankfulness / gratefulness

for the luxury of a good quality microphone.

for small degrees of progress

for the films of Ben Wheatley and Amy Jump - they talk about home.

23rd October 2017: Snooker Ball / MES / SOPHIE

Today, thankfulness / gratefulness

for the sound of a snooker ball on another snooker ball

for MES, for MCL & LJ's love for MES, the way of MES,

for that latest SOPHIE single. Richard Dawson raved about her last year, and I loved Just Like Your Never Said Goodbye because it brought up memories of adolescence surrounded by Shanks & Bigfoot, but also the sense of revved up adrenaline, like risking it all for love. This latest single speaks to a similar unresolving progression, but works in some delicious ASMR too. Other ideas take it to a whole other level. I am excited in anticipation for the  upcoming album.

22nd October 2017: Saliva / Mill Tye Gallery / Washing Up Whilst Cooking

Today, thankfulness / gratefulness

for the magic of saliva sal - i - va ssssSLIVA

for the optimism created seeing a new art space blossoming.

for the lesson of washing up whilst cooking, the magic trick of continuous transition, waves of beginning-middle-end, satisfying cycles, phases all coming together in a peaceful and satisfying finish.

21st October 2017: Goddam / Todd Haynes / Addie Mae Collins, Cynthia Wesley, Carole Robertson & Carol Denise McNair

Today, thankfulness / gratefulness

for the sound of ‘goddam’ in Mississippi Goddam

for The High Priestess Of Soul!

for Todd Haynes brutal film around Karen Carpenter’s life.

for Addie Mae Collins, Cynthia Wesley, Carole Robertson and Carol Denise McNair.

20th October 2017: Nail Polish Smell / The Death Of Stalin / A. Partridge & M. Tucker

Today, thankfulness / gratefulness

for the smell of nail polish remover.

for Simon Russell Beale’s dastardly performance in The Death Of Stalin

for the thoughts of A. Partridge & M. Tucker crossing over in the latest Big Issue.









(it's been a bit of an A. Iannucci day - and so a good one!)

19th October 2017: JFK / StavrosFloatsOn / #NoNazisAtUF

Today, thankfulness / gratefulness

for the movie JFK adding dimensions to the The Boyfriend episode of Seinfeld, along with being an intriguing, if a little dry, film in its own right.

for catching a glimpse of an old friend exploring the world through his new blog - a beautiful spirit with wide eyes. I’m thankful for him sharing his findings and his inspiration.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wh-Oqw8rKGY&feature=youtu.be&a

for everyone protesting against a Nazi event at University of Florida. Be safe and look after one another, down with these deathly values #NoNazisAtUF

18th October 2017: JJ / Aspergers & Me / Life Is Peachy

Today, I am thankful / grateful

for a very special person’s birthday. I hope they had a fun day and were made to feel as wonderful as they are.

for Chris Packham’s documentary on the #BBC #Aspergersandme. It was an engaging and unpatronising testament of experience.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b09b1zbb/chris-packham-aspergers-and-me?suggid=b09b1zbb

for Life Is Peachy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHLHF-nUEzQ

17th October 2017: Telephone Trick / James O'Barr / Cute Pig

Today, thankfulness / gratefulness

for being tricked! I accidentally recorded part of the house-phone ringing at the end of one take today and without realising kept having further parts interrupted by 'the phone ringing again.' I thought it was my brother double-ringing from Sweden, but then it kept doing it. I eventually asked Dad to come up and listen for it to 'ring again' and at that point my foolishness was out for all to see!

for James O'Barr; I loved The Crow for many reasons in my teenage years, but through the prism of recovery and atonement it has taken on further significance.

for this guy, a cute little pig.










https://twitter.com/ziyatong/status/918290362963300362

16th October 2017: Red Sun / For You At Last

Today, thankfulness / gratefulness

for the Red Sun, the Sahara Sand across the sky - a dramatic reminder that anything can be another way very quickly. Such a simple wash, and other feelings ignited.

for so much.

15th October 2017: Bulgarian Medical Professionals / Strong Afternoon Sun / Kara-Lis Coverdale

Today, thankfulness / gratefulness

for the care of the medical professionals attending to a friend abroad.

for the strong afternoon sun across the fields around Foxearth, creating an eery sense of disparity from seasonal expectation.

for the ever-intriguing arc of Kara-Lis Coverdale’s set at TUSK. 

for an increase in energy of late.

for those helping the people in Mogadishu to safety after this dreadful attack.

14th October 2017: TUSK Stream / Facon / Crosswords

Today, thankfulness / gratefulness

for the TUSK Stream. Many wonderful feelings roused from watching, as well as air of homesickness.

for facon - naturally, nothing like bacon, but genuinely tasty. Even now, I am looking forward to it as part of a Sunday fry-up tomorrow morning.

for the joy of the Crossword, the thrill when you get a few in a row, the frustration as progress is stunted, the teamwork, the competition in trying to reach a word before others. It's such a gentle delight. Words, words, words.

13th October 2017: Dad's Return / Diamanda Galás / Rowen Tree Berry Smudges

Today, thankfulness / gratefulness

for Dad returning safely from his holiday in Crete - that he had a great time.

for being excited by some new music.

for the way the fallen Rowan Tree berries find themselves smudged into the pavement.

12th October 2017: MTCIC / Rape Crisis & RAINN / TUSK Festival 2017

Today, thankfulness / gratefulness

for the continued help of MTCIC.

for Rape Crisis and RAINN and the work they do. I urge you to engage with their work, and support them.

for the arrival of TUSK Festival 2017, for Lee and his community that imagine a wonderful experience out of a weekend, I wish everyone a sonic adventure with incredible music.

11th October 2017: Birthday / Gentleness / Limits

Today, thankfulness / gratefulness

for a close friend’s birthday. Since meeting them in 2003, growing up with their company has been a blessing.

for their commitment to gentleness and love. The world is lucky to have them.

for understanding, more fully, the limits of this platform with regard to conversation and interaction.

10th October 2017: Flow / Courage / Challenge Oneself

Today, thankfulness / gratefulness

for a flow of creative expression opening up over the last few days whilst recording music for a new collection.

for the personal demonstrations of courage, and those of support and care.

for those that challenge their own relationship with courage regularly. I try / I fall down / I try again / I fall down / I try

9th October 2017: National Mental Health Day / Original Pirate Material / Christ On The Cross

Today, thankful / grateful

for MIND, CALM, Papyrus, The Samaritans and all who have saved and helped lives.

for Original Pirate Material - it was there for me when I was lost and needed songs expressing vulnerability and male fallibility at 20/21. A voice that walked through a place I recognised, with sounds and descriptions of some of the places I spent my adolescence. Made me feel less alone. Though I look to other music for my needs these days, it was important to me, and I won't forget that gift.

for the question of Christ on The Cross - the challenge of that image offers a million tunnels of enquiry.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qx1s_3CF07k

8th October 2017: Manic Episode / Squeaky Cheese / Embodying

Today, I am grateful / thankful,

for the first mild manic episode in a while last night. The Sertraline I'm on normally dulls this, but it was interesting to feel it again. It is a mostly positive feeling. It is related to dreaming, imagining though. I never realised that when I was younger.

for the sweet and casual sensation of chewing on squeaky cheese. It's playful and light.

for recognising a further behaviour I have passively embodied from my parents, for which I can now consider and actively make a choice about.

7th October 2017: `GONNA DO IT ALL / Malcolm X & next / Close Friend

Today, I am thankful / grateful

for taking a moment to say to yourself I'M GONNA DO IT ALL, BIG & BOLD. Enjoy the absence of small, and little achievements - they are not for now. This moment is for HUGE COLOUR, ENDLESS, ARCHITECTURAL HARMONY.

for Malcolm X and the Malcolm next. 

for a call with a close friend, their love is felt whatever part of the wave we're in.

6th October 2017: The Person / CLASS on CLASS / Destroyed 'Hero'

Today, I am thankful / grateful,

for those that look for the person, the people, in all of their detail, in all the ways they are special. I've had the luxury to grow up to know writers and artists who have such amazing ears and ways of seeing others and shine light on their beauty with such skill.

for the CLASS on CLASS podcast series, which gives a concise overview of a shifts in the idea of class in Britain. Though I recognised many of the details, it offered some ideas that provoked more thought.
https://soundcloud.com/classonclass



I am thankful to have (an) experience(s) in my life that destroyed the ‘hero’ story many boys are conditioned to in earlier life, as I was.

5th October 2017: Teachers / Faces / Sweeping Away Berries

Today, I am thankful / grateful,

for all of the teachers, at any level, my friends who are teachers, for those that teach that go under different names, those teachers who believe in education for education's sake. Education creates peace, and feeds all of life's possibilities. Thank you! #WorldTeachersDay

for finding faces in everything, including this dinosaur

 for the sensation of steadily sweeping away berries and leaves fallen from trees.

4th October 2017: Bouzouki / wetransfer / The Stage & Farce

Today, I'm thankful / grateful

for The Bouzouki

for the technology that makes it possible for me to contribute parts to music my friend is making in Los Angeles.

for the stage that lies, for presenting the farce, for the deception, for the trigger, for the place where it hurts, for altar, for the moment, the expectation, the flight, the fall 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQDgMBLrbKo

3rd October 2017: SURPRISE! / Inside Piano / Andy Kaufman

Today, I am thankful / grateful

for the chance to SURPRISE! my mother by replacing the miiiiicrowave whilst she was out.

for the feeling of opening the lid on the piano, and hearing the (urrrrrrr) hidden in the inside sound.

for the life of Andy Kaufman.

2nd October 2017: Barnardo's / Tom Petty / Help & Love after Las Vegas shooting

Today, I am thankful / grateful

for the kind and helpful people in the Sudbury Barnardo's Shop.

for Tom Petty -

https://youtu.be/nTZiWlsw1Iw?t=11m46s

for those helping & comforting the victims and those affected by the violence in Las Vegas.

for those that confronted the violence too.

1st October 2017: Bridleways / No Ghosting / Labyrinths

Today, I am thankful / grateful

for bridleways covered in conkers.

for those that have confronted me with hard truths, that did not choose ghosting.

for Labyrinths. 
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/87/3a/0a/873a0aa8ee3585a756d83d223aa0f1e1--labyrinth-maze-sacred-geometry.jpg